Who Knows Anymore (Last Hope)

What if it all ended tomorrow?
What would be remembered from it all?
What would be missed?
What would the hopes have been?

I dont even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
But the more I try to push it
I realize gotta let go of control 

Would anything be different?
Would a second chance at everything turn out the same?
Would more people show how they care?
Would they just keep saying things are normal?

It's just a spark 

But it's enough to keep me going

And when it's dark out, no one's around

It keeps glowing

When I wrote and posted a poem 20+ months ago, with a deeper message hidden in the words, via colors and vertical reading, only one person finally understood it (after some prodding).
It meant a lot to me that poem, because it was me trying to express some deep stuff inside me, and not being able to actually say the words out loud, because they are just as scary out loud as they are hidden.

Every night I try my best to dream

Tomorrow makes it better

And I wake up to the cold reality

And not a thing is changed

I took down the post a few months after it went up, because I felt it shouldn't be up in a public place, especially the more people that actually knew who I was started reading my blog.
Sure in recent months I've started another blog under my real name, but I would never have the guts to post something like the poem on there...

And the salt in my wounds isnt burning any more than it used to

Its not that I dont feel the pain

Its just Im not afraid of hurting anymore

Some days are ups...some days are downs....and some days you just don't feel anything. 
And there isn't always a place to let that out. You want to...you need to...but just can't...just don't know how to...just don't know if you want to...but it will all come out at some point, and it probably won't be pretty.

And the blood of these veins isnt pumping any less than it ever has

And thats the hope I have

The only thing I know is keeping me alive

I chose the lyrics to Paramore's Last Hope as the underlying in this post, because it embodies a lot of what I am feeling....and some of what I want to be feeling.
I know it's rare for me to post on here (and in some ways I apologize for that), but sometimes I need to get things out, so thanks for those still here listening.

(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)

And when its dark out, no ones around

It keeps glowing

It's just a spark

But it's enough to keep me going

(So if I keep my eyes closed, with a blind hope)

And when its dark out, no ones around

It keeps glowing

Loneliness Alone vs. Loneliness W/ Others

It is something I have thought about a lot over the last few weeks, and am trying to figure out if their is a difference.

If someone is alone, and living somewhere where there is no one else around, they are indeed very alone.

On the flip side, if someone feels alone when they are surrounded by people ("friends"), is that loneliness more lonely, since they can't see the light even as it surrounds their darkness?

I am certain that people have given up on the Minds, but if anyone is still out there, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Revenge by Racheli Writes

Everyone should read this powerful piece by Racheli Dreyfuss over at Racheli Writes.

http://rachelliwrites.blogspot.com/2014/06/revenge.html

Belated Blogaversary

Oh yay.

I've reached the two year mark.

Here's to the next 21 splendid years of this blog!

Dating Inspiration

248

What does the number 248 mean to you?

The simple answer, whether you are Jewish or not, is that a human has 248 limbs.

It is also the amount of positive commandments in the Jewish world.

But the noticeable comparison for me, is the amount of words in Shema.

While I am not always on top of davening, one thing I try to make sure I say correctly, is Shema.

The 248 words there, should always be said carefully, just as carefully as you'd like each of your 248 limbs to be working.

This is also why you add three words at the beginning when praying alone, to compensate for the three word that a Chazzan would say at the end, with a minyan.

This is my first random act of Jewishness on this blog...what is happening to me...

Let It Goat

The title should be enough to get you to watch this!

Jewish Writers

Amongst the Bloggers, we are all pretty good at talking about things we know about.

But sometimes people try to be funny, and just come off sounding unintelligent.

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/219871/purim-post-the-story-of-king-obamachashverosh-year-2014.html

Please guys, don't try to write about the internet and the likes, without knowing anything about them.

Calling them "e-invites" instead of "evites" just made me stop reading....close the page...and write this many nonsensical rant.

Jews Are Funny...Sometimes :)

UPDATE: Unfortunately the video was pulled, but I don't pull my Posts :) Just update them!

This video is going around, and I thought I'd share it.
Of a Jewish teen in London making one of the British guards actually laugh.

Post by Daniel Frohwein.

Hilarious!

Reaching Out

I've had my ups and downs in life.

Most of them occurring for me Post-High School and more-so Post-College.

But sometimes you just need a place to vent, or a place to talk things out. Regardless if the other side has answers for you or not.

I am thankful that some of the bloggers here have listened to me over the years.

You guys know who you are.

On that note, to any random readers reading this (who am I kidding, even I know that no one reads the Minds anymore :) ...although I hit 30k this week!), feel free to email me, or most other bloggers, if you have an issue, and just need someone to talk to.

Most of us don't bite...and the ones who do, are usually doing it in a playful way. Hopefully.

Helping and Giving

This was a post I started months ago, but never really put into it more than a few thoughts...so today I decided to clean it up a bit, and push it out.

In life, you give a lot of things, and get little in return...however, there are some things, that I think need to be returned, or at least thought out a little better.

Some of these include:

Wedding Presents
We give presents and/or money to people when they get engaged and/or married, to help them with their new lives.

What happens if God forbid it doesn't work out?

Should they have to then give back whatever it is they received? Or maybe next time they get engaged/married, you don't give them anything? But what if the other side took the gift you gave...now it's like you gave them nothing.

As such, I only give gifts as wedding presents. For starters, they shouldn't be needing that pot set, or whatever other gift you are giving, until after they are married. Unless of course you are giving cash...in which case they will need that before marriage, but all the more-so after they are married.

Baby Gifts
Always ask before you give these...the parents get sooooo many items, that they just can't use.

For example, how many onesies do you think they need for a newborn? It's great that you got them another one, but by the time they get around to it, (s)he will be up to the next size already.

Similarly for toys. When the child is at a young age, the parents choose which toys the kid gets, and its usually the same one over and over...as it is generally the one sitting closest to the child when (s)he starts crying.

As for electronic toys...as Jews you should think smarter. Shabbos and YT are some of the hardest times to keep a child entertained, and these toys are next to useless.

So find out what it is the parents need the most, and get that!

Sometimes even a free gift works, such as you watching the kid for a night, so that parents can get that much needed night out.

Moving Help
This one is a load of baloney.

I've helped many friends move. And maybe gained a slice of pizza or two in return.

Whoop-de-friggin-do.

But this isn't done for the reward. It's done for the friendship.

However, I did have one set of friends who I helped move completely into a fourth floor walk-up...and then they decided to move to Israel a few weeks later, making all my work completely useless.

So people, do us all a favor...move yourselves, and ask for help on that last day, for the big items.

No one wants to be wrapping your silverware in paper towels and packing your items.

That's your job.

</End Rant>

Investments

Dating is an investment.

The more you put into it, the more you hope that the payout is.

As such, you need to make every date count for the most, be it a first date, or the eighth.

Recently I made some long-term investments, that unfortunately didn't pan out.

Sure, money and time and effort was put into it.

But ultimately, who cares about all those things.

If you worry about everything you put into it, and that you got nothing out of it, you will ultimately fall behind the game, and start making bad investments.

So if you believe in something, put your all into it, and hope that it pans out!

Evolution of Jewish Bloggers

While I have been on the blogger scene for a few years, blogging myself on and off, I have discovered a few things about the Jewish Blogger.

For starters, most of them do not blog in their own names. If/When it is discovered by a friend who they are, they close down the blog, and soon thereafter open a new blog under a different name.

As such, it's sometimes hard to follow blogs, because it's impossible to keep track of those that are popping up and closing...

When I first started, there were about 10 blogs I followed earnestly. A few months later, I re-searched, and found a bunch of new ones to follow, as the first ones slowly closed down. Leaving my lists intact.

It's a shame really, because it means that over time, as I haven't been as vigilant on searching and finding, my blogger read list has dwindled down to only a few reads a week.

So if any people know of good Jewish blogs to read and/or follow, please comment them or email them to me.

It would be greatly appreciated!

Disney + Valentines Day = Dirty Walt

I will now spoil Disney for all you lovers.

For all those like-minded dirty-minded folks...enjoy 

:)

h/t: #BuzzFeed

OTD Bingo

Thank you FrumSatire for this wonderful piece of joy.(who credited it to Leah Vincent)

Great Laws - Ice Missles

Connecticut has a new law going into effect at the end of the month, that is already in place in many states, and which needs to spread to all locales.

The law is against "Ice Missiles". 

Ice Missiles are what happens when you don't clean the snow properly off the top of your car, and then go for a drive, shooting snow and ice off the top of your car, onto other cars around you, or passerby's.

http://ctboom.com/12-31-13-new-ice-missile-law-goes-effect-connecticut-drivers/

True story: I know people who have died from ice missiles. As another car stopped, the ice shot off the roof, and through their windshield, killing them.

So take the extra few minutes and clean all the snow off your car, even if your state doesn't have the law.

Splendid F***in' Week

Had plans with a friend, those got cancelled.

Then tonight, I texted someone I had thought was a good friend, and got back a "Who's this?".

For starters, who deletes contacts these days, when you can have an unlimited number of them?

Second, who deletes a number, and someone off Facebook and Skype, and doesn't say a word to them, or give them a reason as to why they are doing so.

Cowards.

Pussies.

Truthfully, reading back those last two words, it's better for me to not be associated with people like that.

I can't even begin to delve into the mindset of why someone would eliminate someone entirely from their life, without giving a reason.

Falling outs over time. Understandable.

Fights. Understandable.

We were talking a few days ago just fine, and suddenly, (as HOVA likes to say) poof -- vamoose, son of a bitch.

I know it's been 5-6 weeks since my last post. But if I never post again, at least people may begin to get an understanding of where things sped-up down the slope.

Updated (literally two minutes after posting):

Got a text from a third person, telling me basically: "It has been nice knowing you. Have a nice life."

Come on, bring it on world!

I'm gonna at least go out in style...

Law Firms Getting Sexist

The law firms of "Clifford Chance" sent out a memo last week, to all female employees, with handy tips on what to do, entitled: "Presentation Tips for Women".

Because that title, and the fact that they didn't make another one for men, wasn't enough to get them into a little bit of trouble, instead they filled the memo with all sorts of goodies.

Some of the things included:

-"Like" you've got to lose "um" and "uh," "you know," "OK," and "Like."

- Don't giggle; Don't squirm; Don't tilt your head.

- Practice hard words.

- Wear a suit, not your party outfit.

And my favorite:

- No one heard Hillary the day she showed cleavage.

One would think that law firms would be smarter than this...

However most of these people did spend the money on law school and will never make it back unless they scam hundreds of other people out of their money...so who knows.

What Do You Look For?

Over time I have discovered that girls don't know what they are looking for.

I base this solely on one thing: Myself.

Sure, I am vertically challenged (short, for the wordly challenged).

And I am not the beautiful hulk that they imagine. To be honest about myself, I am not great looking, but I am not ugly.

But I feel like other qualities that people seek, I possess.

College Educated? Check.

Full time job? Check.

Solid income? Check.

4 Wheels + an Engine? Check.

Sense of humour? Check.

Brains, not trains? Check.

Likes kids? Check.

A blog? Hell yeah.

So what is exactly that people are looking for that I am missing?

Oh yeah, I don't like the Beatles. That must be it.

By The Numb Grace of God

Thought I wasn't enough

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Found I wasn't so tough

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

Laying on the bathroom floor

Don't know what you're expecting of me

We were living on a fault line

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

And I felt the fault was all mine

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Couldn't take it anymore

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

By the grace of God

(There was no other way)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I picked myself back up

(I knew I had to stay)

Become so tired, so much more aware

I put one foot in front of the other and I

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Looked in the mirror and decided to stay

Is be more like me and be less like you

Wasn't gonna let love take me out that way

Can't you see that you're smothering me,

I know I am enough, possible to be loved

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?

It was not about me

'Cause everything that you thought I would be

Now I have to rise above

Has fallen apart right in front of you.

Let the universe call the bluff

Every step that I take is another mistake to you.

Yeah, the truth will set you free

And every second I waste is more than I can take.

By the grace of God

(There was no other way)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I picked myself back up

(I knew I had to stay)

Become so tired, so much more aware

I put one foot in front of the other and I

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Looked in the mirror and decided to stay

Is be more like me and be less like you

Wasn't gonna let love take me out that way

And I know

I may end up failing too.

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

By the grace of God

(There was no other way)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I picked myself back up

(I knew I had to stay)

Become so tired, so much more aware

I put one foot in front of the other and I

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Looked in the mirror and decided to stay

Is be more like me and be less like you

Wasn't gonna let love take me out that way

-A mashup of the wonderful words of Mike and Katy, that couldn't be more perfect