Shabbos With Friends

This has become a theme in the “real world” of hosting people for Friday night Shabbos meals.

Oh, and by real world, I don’t mean “not in the blogosphere”.

I mean, with real people, like Natalie Portman.

Yup, you missed the chance, but you could’ve had Friday night dinner with her.

All you had to do was answer the following questions:

1.) Do you think it's a good idea for thousands of young Jews to come together in isolated areas every summer? If so, which camp did you attend?

2.) Seth Cohen: greatest Jew to be a main character on a teenage drama? Only Jew to be a main character on a teenage drama? Still socially acceptable to reference?

3.) Is your Bubbie the one who makes the world's best matzo ball soup? What is her recipe? Have you called her lately?

4.) How do you contribute to your community? Do you:

a.) Volunteer at soup kitchens

b.) Foster puppies

c.) Tutor children

d.) Assist old ladies crossing the street

e.) Dress up like a superhero and rescue your neighbors

5.) What was the theme of your Bar Mitzvah? To support this statement, please submit pictures of yourself from said event. Bonus points for Pepsi-7Up action shots and/or dancing with a girl at least a head taller with enough distance between you to leave room for the Lord.

I have seen a few organizations that do organize meals for random people, with an even amount of single guys and girls, in the hopes that someone might meet their match at the Friday night Shabbos table.

For more details on Natalie’s adventure, check the Huffington Post article.

Oh, and while I’m on her, how hardcore of a girl is she?

For those that haven’t seen her on Saturday Night Live, should take a look at this, but be forewarned, it's for Adult Audiences only.

She’ll never be the same Padmé Amidala again.

Jewish Dating Sites - Part 1

I have been on these for many, many months and years.

Signed up and paid for some of them, while others I just made the free account.

From YU Connects, to JWed and JDate, to ZivugZone and HareiAt.

But they all have one thing in common.

They are completely useless.

Girls make a profile, and never fill it in. Or make a full profile, yet don’t put a picture. Or worse, make a profile and never look at it again.

So you find one you like, and send it a message.

Sometimes they sit there for months, unread. Other times they are read within the first 24 hours (yes, some of the systems tell you when it is read), but never responded to.

Where is the courtesy? If you are not interested, yet someone took the time to write a message longer than “Hi, wanna date?”, couldn't you just respond “No thank you, I am not interested” or something along those lines, just so they know where you stand?

And if you are going to never use the account again, then click the “Inactive” button, so that guys don’t have to crawl through your profile, with a faint glimmer of hope, that maybe this girl will respond.

That’s right. The hope isn’t “Maybe she’ll go out with me” or “Maybe she’s the one”. The hope is that the girls will actually respond for once.

So sick and tired of this, but in a world where shidduch dating is full of lies (as no one can truly tell a shadchin what they really are, as its hard enough admitting it to yourselves), dating sites are the one fall back when you just want a shred of hope in your search.

On that note, I had a girl call me on Friday, who I had sent my number too in September of 2012. She started with "Hi, it's ____ from JWed"...yes, because I remember exactly who you are...been waiting beside my phone for you to call! Not.




Yeah...it doesn't fit exactly. But I still used it!

It's not pun-ny.

- Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with, oh well, I guess you had to be there.

- I've been seeing a weather girl, thought it'd make a change to date a woman that wasn't always right.

- Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt. People writing on walls and worshiping cats.

- If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer....oh wait, he does.

- My new favorite band is Dog Whistle, you haven't heard them.

- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

- I was going to get a power-gate for my driveway entrance, but with gate power comes gate responsibility.

- School children shouldn't be separated according to academic ability, it'll only end in tiers.

- I've just bought a new Prince Charles commemorative teapot, it never reigns, but it pours.

- Dyslexic IT technicians wait ages for a USB, then three come along at once.

- Everything is edible, some things though, are only edible once.

- A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: Short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.

- Money can't buy happiness. But it's more comfortable to cry in a Benz than it is on a bike.

- My friends horse will only come out when it gets dark. It's becoming a night mare.

- I wrote a song about a tortilla. It's actually more of a wrap.

- I was once bit by a German Shepard. Then he apologized and even introduced me to his dog.

- I got an e-mail saying: "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!". I thought to myself: That's just Spam.

- What do you call kids with lisps, born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.

- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

- I just found out my new toaster isn't waterproof. I was shocked.

The Delusion of Privacy

These days there is a big deal being made on a lot of breaches in security.

From the NSA and Eric Snowden, to Google Glass, to the NYPD storing data, it's becoming an issue to a lot of people.

But I say: WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?!

On a daily basis, you use tools that are provided to you by companies, which can be used in much deeper ways than we can imagine.

Sure, Google Glass is an issue to some, since now you never know when someone may take a picture of you doing stupid.

But remember last week, when you picked your nose on the street corner, thinking no one saw?

Hate to break it to you, but 3 security cameras in store doorways, and one dashboard camera, all saw it, recorded it, and there is nothing you will ever be able to do about that!

Or what about the fact that on Google Maps we can now zoom in so close that we can see people sunbathing in their backyards on satellite view.

And if that is what they are letting us see...imagine what the satellites can really see!

What's that? You also ordered the "Spy Case" that came with cereal boxes as a kid? You know the one I mean, the one with a device to let you pick up sounds across the room.

Well just imagine what spending more than $3.99 on S/H can get you? What if you spent $399 on it? Chances are you can probably hear the sounds of hearts breaking all around the world as Adam Levine announced he was engaged.

Whilst anonymity on these blogs has been a hot topic on this blog and others in the past...just realize that Google knows who you are :) Sure you made a pseudonym to start this account...but you signed into it on the exact same computer that you signed into your real account...and you've done that 629 times before, all within a minute of each other. Odds are, you are the same person.

In this day and age, nothing is private anymore, at least not for long.

Just ask two guys named Spitzer, and appropriately, Wiener.

Google's Gaming System

That's right, you read that title correctly. Google has a gaming system to rival PS4, XBOX One and the Wii U.

It uses a wireless controller. And chances are, you already own it.

In Google Chrome, go to Chrome.com/campaigns/rollit.

It will load up, and then give you another link to open up on your phone (I've only tried it on Android...) and a code to put in.

You then have a wireless controller (your phone) to play on your system (laptop/deskop/etc).

And then you can play Carnival Style Skee Ball!!!

Now, rumours are that they will also be coming out with a racing game shortly, and then after that, who knows. Stay tuned!

And don't forget, you can always go to Google Images and type in "Atari Breakout". Enjoy yourself.

Cheap People and Subscriptions

Over the last few weeks I have seen a lot of posts that look like this:

"Ugh. My free Netflix subscription ended again. Anyone have one that I can join?"

People are so cheap. 

Yes, I know, money isn't always flowing, and sometimes we live paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet.

But we are talking about $7 a month.

Don't buy a coffee for a couple of days a month.

Next time you want to buy candy, buy the smaller version or don't get it that day.

If you save a quarter a day, you too can get Netflix. Or Hulu.

Blogaversary

I was going to ignore it altogether...but really, my life has changed a little bit with all of you in it.

So to my 89 posts, 12,000+ Page Views, and those 9 special followers...

Thank you.

Without you guuuuuuuuuuuuu

10,000 Page Views

Not much to say in this post...except that when I started blogging, less than a year ago...I never thought I would have 1,000 page views, let alone 10,000.

So this is just me blowing that little paper horn that people use for New Years, in celebration of a mini milestone.

So thanks for all the reads, people of the internet!

The Dark Side

I sense the Dark Side is lifting its head...and a storm is coming.

A storm that will lead to the war, to end all wars.

One that will bring out the fiercest of all.

And the filth that inhabits the Earth will come crawling out of its hole.

Only to get smitten by the sword that it brandished.

Evil can never win.

Evil shall never win.

Only the strongest will survive.

Mr. Google

So, like every obsessive blogger, I check my stats once in a while.

Simple things, that blogger generally provides me with. Things like, "Page Views", "Most Popular", etc.

But then I found a website that can tell me where I rank in Google Searches, based on different search queries.

Some of my posts, I was fairly surprised, when it would give me the ranking, it would say: "Your page is ranked #19 in this query".

19!!!! Yes, I am starting to make a dent in this world.

But then I got a real shocker...one of my pages came up listed as "Your page is ranked #1 in this query."

#1!!!!

NUMBERO FREAKIN' UNO!!!

Granted it was on Google.uk and not Google.com, but still, I'm impressed. :)

I just wish I knew who some of the people reading my posts are...because the ones getting the most reads, are all people I would love to have a conversation with.

Keep Waiting for the Switch

Internet & Electronics For Kids?

An article in the Wall Street Journal last week, by David Gelernter (article here) talked about how children should spend their summers outside, and not pick up their phones, iStuff, or go online.

Now, he does have a point, and kids definitely need their fair share of Vitamin D
from the sun. But he concludes his article by saying:
"And so, yes to the Internet, yes to the cybersphere! Yes to modern iMachines and pads, pods, smartphones—and to liquor, fast cars and sleeping pills when you need them. But not for children."
And this I don't agree with.

While on most things I'll say that other companies are better, such as computers (Windows>MacOS) and TV's (Normal>Apple TV), I will however say that to use any other companies Tablet system, would just be silly.

A lot of the stuff I'll talk about here is probably available on other systems, but who are we kidding. The uniformity of iOS is much better for children to learn on, then the Android tablets.

And learn they can. From math (MathBoard and Math Bingo are the recommended starters), to geography (try out 123 World Geography).

Musically inclined children, can fool around with Garageband.

Artistic children, can doodle away on Drawing Pad.

I have seen children use most of the apps above. The learning time for them to learn how to use the apps, was next to nothing.

And the teaching values of some of them, phenomenal. They have a step up on other children when they advance in school.

So no Mr. Gelernter, the solution is not to take away technology from the children. The solution is to give it to them, in moderation. Both moderation of time, and moderation by adults, to make sure they only do child appropriate things with the technology.

The Internet Asifah

As Chicken Little once said: The Asifah is coming! The Asifah is coming!


So without further ado, let's talk about it.


The internet is a vicious creature, with many things on it that people shouldn't be looking at, such as: Porn, Gossip, and the Numa Numa Guy.


And because of this the Jews are uprising, and forming a Kosher Expo, followed by discussions on the topic, of how to keep people off the internet, and away from these sites.


As someone very familiar with computers, let me start by saying: There is no such thing as a filter. Every filter is breakable. And if you don't want your kids online looking at this stuff, then don't let them use the computer.


When I was a kid (a young teen, the age on when it all began, doesn't matter), first getting into trouble for looking at porn and the likes, my father installed the Internet Explorer Security Filter, and put a password on it. And then let me go on the computer...about three minutes later, thanks to a little help from some random site called Google, I had successfully found the file buried in the computer, that had the password in it, and deleted the file, allowing me to remove the filter.


Yes, at a nice young age, I was already disobeying authority, and hacking computers.


The expo is supposed to be showcasing "filters, various new products, methods and advice to help individuals, families and businesses to effectively filter all their internet connections". The only advice to successfully filter the internet: DON'T HAVE INTERNET.


Another problem I have with this whole Asifah, is that it is for men only...but woman will be able to watch it via satellite feeds at certain locations...I hate to say it, but unless they are securing an actual satellite feed (very expensive, trust me, I have experience in those matters), they are probably using THE INTERNET to run the feed. DAMN LIBERAL HIPPOCRATES. Don't hold a convention against using something and then use it, when it is necessary to your demands. On that note, don't have one of your RSVP options be via email...because that just encourages INTERNET!!!


Now, don't get me wrong, personally, I think every person in the world should have internet. And no, the filters should not be in place. It is everyone's responsibility to filter for themselves what they look at on there. As for minors, well, if you don't want them looking at that stuff online, then don't let them go online.


All of this just sounds to me like a typical #FirstWorldProblem.


BTW, for a more sane article on the topic, and further coverage of it (because, really, is it worth me going over it again?) try reading Thinking Jew Girl's first piece on it, found here.