Friday, August 21, 2015

Life Falls Apart

It all happens at once.

The dominoes start to fall, and things just build up.

Over and over.

One thing after another.




It doesn't matter when the train will reach the end of the track, because right now it is barreling along and taking down everything in its path.

Life can be a bitch sometimes.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Telling People Off - Being Honest With Oneself

Yesterday I messaged a friend and told them they weren't being a good friend.

It's not something that is easy to tell someone, and it's not easy for someone to hear. But sometimes it needs to be said.
I'm just throwing it out there, that you aren't a good friend. I know that may hurt to hear, but you really aren't ever there when needed.
And their response?
I think you might be right
I know you don't want to hear this but i don't think i can be the kind of friend you need
 Thanks Sherlock, I'm pretty sure I told you that already...

Girls Are Wasting My Time

If the person you are going out with isn't right for you, then tell them.
Don't "know about it for a while and finally say something".

Be honest. Be truthful. Be straightforward.

When you are going out with someone, the longer it goes on, the longer one side has to grow feelings of "like" or "disdain" for the other.

So you shouldn't drag things out if you've made a decision. It just isn't fair to all involved.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Wants Vs. Needs

Want --- Someone to watch TV with
Need --- Someone to enjoy TV with

Want --- Someone to chat with
Need --- Someone to talk to

Want --- Someone to care
Need --- Someone to have compassion

Want --- To have feelings again, of any sort
Need --- To care for something

Want --- A reason to...
Need --- For it all to be over

Monday, April 13, 2015

Minds Wandering

As I make my bi-weekly pilgrimage through reading blog posts, I realize that I haven't posted on here in a while, and I apologize.

I have had writing on other blogs taking up my time, but don't get me wrong...I haven't run out of things to complain about on here.

But after a while I would just start to sound repetitive, and voicing the same things over and over. And while I have issues, I just don't tend to vent myself often, and that is another reason why this blog has been long dormant.

Should I start things back up here? Will the minds come back to their home base? Will the one finally decide to say yes?

Those are all really hard questions, with no answers in sight.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Who Knows Anymore (Last Hope)

What if it all ended tomorrow?
What would be remembered from it all?
What would be missed?

What would the hopes have been?
I dont even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
But the more I try to push it
I realize gotta let go of control 
Would anything be different?
Would a second chance at everything turn out the same?
Would more people show how they care?
Would they just keep saying things are normal?
It's just a spark 
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing
When I wrote and posted a poem 20+ months ago, with a deeper message hidden in the words, via colors and vertical reading, only one person finally understood it (after some prodding).
It meant a lot to me that poem, because it was me trying to express some deep stuff inside me, and not being able to actually say the words out loud, because they are just as scary out loud as they are hidden.
Every night I try my best to dream
Tomorrow makes it better
And I wake up to the cold reality
And not a thing is changed
I took down the post a few months after it went up, because I felt it shouldn't be up in a public place, especially the more people that actually knew who I was started reading my blog.
Sure in recent months I've started another blog under my real name, but I would never have the guts to post something like the poem on there...
And the salt in my wounds isnt burning any more than it used to
Its not that I dont feel the pain
Its just Im not afraid of hurting anymore
Some days are ups...some days are downs....and some days you just don't feel anything. 
And there isn't always a place to let that out. You want need to...but just can't...just don't know how to...just don't know if you want to...but it will all come out at some point, and it probably won't be pretty.
And the blood of these veins isnt pumping any less than it ever has
And thats the hope I have
The only thing I know is keeping me alive
I chose the lyrics to Paramore's Last Hope as the underlying in this post, because it embodies a lot of what I am feeling....and some of what I want to be feeling.
I know it's rare for me to post on here (and in some ways I apologize for that), but sometimes I need to get things out, so thanks for those still here listening.
(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)
And when its dark out, no ones around
It keeps glowing
It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I keep my eyes closed, with a blind hope)
And when its dark out, no ones around
It keeps glowing

Monday, October 13, 2014

Loneliness Alone vs. Loneliness W/ Others

It is something I have thought about a lot over the last few weeks, and am trying to figure out if their is a difference.

If someone is alone, and living somewhere where there is no one else around, they are indeed very alone.

On the flip side, if someone feels alone when they are surrounded by people ("friends"), is that loneliness more lonely, since they can't see the light even as it surrounds their darkness?

I am certain that people have given up on the Minds, but if anyone is still out there, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter.