We've all been there.
The friend who suddenly drops off the map, and you just know: "Oh. They must be dating somebody again."
And then a couple of weeks/months later, you hear from them again, as they start up a simple conversation (such as: "Hey, how are things?" or "What's new?"), and at some point, the conversation becomes "BTW, we broke up."
At which point, you respond "Oh, you were dating?", and they vent on you for a bit.
And being the good friend you are, you listen to them, and you let them back into your life, as a friend, until they repeat the scenario again.
But what happens when they drop off the map, and one day, a few months later, you get a: "I'm engaged!!!!" text?
Well. For me. I simply respond: "Congrats."
As now I know, they are coming back again, because they want friends to show up at the wedding, and hopefully give lavish gifts.
But maybe, enough is enough.
"Congrats". I seriously mean it. Congratulations on finding the person you think you are going to marry and spend the rest of your life with.
But I'm tired of your childish games, and that's all I think you'll hear from me.
PS. I think I shared this blog link with the person who this post is referring to. God I hope they still read this.
That's kinda like when an ex gets engaged and all of the sudden people are texting you and calling you and messaging you to ask how you're doing despite rarely talking to you before hand, hoping to get some juicy gossip about your reaction to the engagement though rarely will they actually bring up the engagement themselves, just try and steer the conversation there. Though I did have this ONE guy (who was ALSO an ex of this girl) message me despite not talking to me for months before hand and straight up ask me about it. Gotta give him credit for not playing any games and being honest about it though.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe you missed the point of that guy messaging you?
DeleteHis being blunt and straight up, may have been him making sure you knew she was engaged, so that you wouldn't be surprised by the "Did you hear?" and "How are you doing questions?".
I don't know what your relationship with this particular friend is, but I've been there and done that. I have plenty of friends who I'm not in touch with on a regular basis and then randomly decide to drop them a line and see how they're doing. I don't do it based around my dating, but it doesn't bother me if they do. We're all busy and it's challenging to maintain a large circle of friends- for me anyway.
ReplyDeleteMe getting a text from a friend that he's engaged tells me that he values our friendship enough to let me know when there's something important or exciting going on in his life. I think it's something to be happy about. Why do you see it as a 'childish game'?
For starters, you assumed both parties in question are male.
DeleteSecond, you assumed that both these people were in large groups of friends.
And I did say that I was happy for them, and wish them a true congratulations, but I am tired of the games people play..."friends when you need them" shouldn't be the way of life, and I'm through with it.
I apologize for the first assumption. The second assumption wasn't an assumption but a statement that I didn't express clearly enough- for that I apologize again. I meant a lot of friends, not necessarily part of a circle.
DeleteI think that's something you're going to have to get used to. You've never let a relationship peter out? Or had a friendship that was specific to where you found yourself? For example, yeshiva. I plan on inviting my high school class to my wedding even though I haven't spoken to most of them in quite some time.
Here is the best part of your statement...I am the guy in the class (from elementary) not invited to anything at all.
DeleteI'm probably the easiest to reach...but still.
I've gotten used to it. I don't care about most others anymore. Life is so much simpler :)
Sorry, what was the best part of my statement?
DeleteI am the most reachable in any circle, but the least contacted.
DeleteStory of my life, and I've grown to accept and push past it.
"I don't care about MOST others anymore." Good for you! I think the keyword here is "most". Forget about those people who make you feel like garbage. It's not okay to use people. Hold on to the ones that brighten your life and never let them go. Those are the only people who matter.
DeleteIt's a tightrope we walk. How well do you think YOU will be able to balance?
ReplyDeleteI've been there before.
DeleteAnd I've learned that if you want anything in life, you need to make it happen yourself.
So when I get engaged/married/die/anything else, I'll send out a message to whomever is on lists. And they can respond however they like.
I won't expect anything from them.
That mistake has been made one time too many.
So is this about people expecting you to suddenly be their friend when they all of a sudden remember you, or is this about being ignored?
DeleteThe first.
DeleteSo you hate when people expect things of you even though they've done a lousy job of meeting any expectations you could legitimately have of them? Yeah, people forget they aren't the center of the universe. You can't change others, but you can learn from their mistakes and be a better person from it. Although, it might be good for you to cut them some slack and move past it.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't been reading enough posts...I have learned from it.
DeleteI am a better person. In fact, I'm awesome. True Story.
And I have moved past it, cutting them all out along the way. But when they come back, it still warrants being mentioned.
Alright then Mr. Awesome. Seems like it still bothers you, but it should. If it didn't you wouldn't be awesome, you'd be detached and apathetic.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have all the knowledge, oh numeric one.
DeleteYup, I'm almost as smart as you.
Delete