Absolutely Nothing

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Absolutely Nothing by Osoanon Nimuss from The Perks of Being a Wallflower

10,000 Page Views

Not much to say in this post...except that when I started blogging, less than a year ago...I never thought I would have 1,000 page views, let alone 10,000.

So this is just me blowing that little paper horn that people use for New Years, in celebration of a mini milestone.

So thanks for all the reads, people of the internet!

1600 Penn

So for those that have explored the minds, they have come to learn that there are very few Network Television Shows, that have yet to be watched.

But regardless of that...I had yet to see an episode of "1600 Penn".

I have seen lots of bad reviews for it...and the ads were pretty terrible...but what else is one to do on a boring afternoon?

So I started watching.

Nine episodes later:

I laughed.
I cried.
I enjoyed myself.
And I quite seriously have no idea where the last three hours went.

The show is fun.

Sure, some of the story lines are stolen from shows like "The West Wing" (Thanks Donna Moss and Josh Lyman for some great years), but that doesn't take away from a decent comedy.

And with shows like The Office (awesome) and 30 Rock (eh) going into retirement, maybe this can be a good placeholder for Thursday nights?

If only I didn't have three other hours of programming to watch that night already.

Yay. Word play.

Suggestions for the blog? You know what to do with them :)

Woman...Unexplainable Creatures

Status Update

By Chris Jones | ESPN The Magazine

Illustration by Mark MatchoRebecca Marino has a seemingly envious job and life that she's choosing not to lead.

This story appears in ESPN The Magazine's March 18 One Day One Game issue.

YOU PROBABLY HADN'T heard much about Rebecca Marino, at least not until she decided she wasn't going to be that Rebecca Marino anymore. The 22-year-old Canadian tennis pro has announced she's leaving the game again, having already taken a seven-month hiatus and mounting the briefest of comebacks, citing in part the twin devils on her shoulders: depression and idiots on the Internet. Before she held her mid-February conference call to talk about her second departure and her mental illness, she deleted her Twitter and Facebook accounts because she knew what was coming and that it would do her no good. "Social media has taken its toll on me," she said.

In some ways, Marino's story is a small one: Lots of young people decide they've taken the wrong path in life and try to correct it. They go back to school or change their majors or quit their internships. But what makes Marino's story larger is its counterintuitiveness, the seemingly envious job and existence she is choosing not to lead. She was a good player, once ranked as high as 38th in the world, with an overpowering serve and forehand. (After she faced Venus Williams during the second round of the 2010 U.S. Open, Williams said: "Now I know what it's like to play myself.") When someone is blessed and gifted enough even to approach that kind of spotlight, we assume she is going to try to reach the center of it. That's the natural order of things. Nobody chooses to stay in the dark.

Unless the dark is the only place that feels safe. I've also battled depression, and I believe I know what or at least how Marino is thinking. I've thought a lot about giving up my job and vanishing -- if I'm being honest, I've occasionally thought about vanishing in bigger ways too. When I'm in a good place, it seems insane to me that I've ever thought that way. My job is a dream job; my life is a dream life. But depression's worst trick is its powers of distortion. It takes the good and makes it nearly invisible, and it takes the bad and amplifies it. People with depression also have long memories for hurt. Stings linger and layer.

"With professional athletes," Marino told The New York Times, "people put them on a pedestal sometimes, and they forget that they're actually a person still." For someone like her, social media -- where she was berated for her weight or by gamblers who lost when she lost -- isn't the wound. Depression is the wound. But social media is the infection that makes it worse, and there are only so many ways to resist it.

You can choose to become callused and awful like me, the monstrous result of my finally having followed the easy advice and grown a thicker skin. An anonymous stranger on Twitter recently said that he'd like to see me "eat a shotgun." Not that long ago, I would have gone after that guy with all the rage I could muster, which would have been plenty. Instead, I made a joke about it. Later, a (real-life) friend mentioned the exchange and how messed up it was -- not just that someone publicly hoped I would kill myself, which is really something if you stop and think about it, but that I'd laughed it off. My friend was right. I don't like that I can't feel anything anymore, my newly flatlined self. And if my tiny spotlight has changed me this much, imagine the horrors that a larger one could do.

Rebecca Marino did that imagining, and it led her to make a different choice from mine: She decided it was better to try to change her world than herself. She doesn't yet know what she'll do instead, but she's talked about going back to school or applying for different jobs, quiet jobs, anonymous jobs, such as a cashier or restaurant hostess. Then at least the strangers in her life will always have faces.

I understand her decision. In fact, I envy her in a lot of ways because she's rescuing the best parts of herself before it's too late. A thick skin doesn't seem like something you would want someone you love to have. You would want them to be able to feel fully. You would want them to be warm and open, affected by the people and lives being lived around them. You would want them to have a big heart and for them to be able to keep it safe, even if that meant they had to hide it away in the dark.

Why Do We, Miss Judge?

SuperBowl: She Noticed Me!!!

Did everyone see it?! She finally noticed me!

Last night, right in the middle of the halftime show, from across the room, our eyes met, and she blew me a kiss.

BTW, yes, I am talking about Beyonce.

Self Explanitory

The Dark Side

I sense the Dark Side is lifting its head...and a storm is coming.

A storm that will lead to the war, to end all wars.

One that will bring out the fiercest of all.

And the filth that inhabits the Earth will come crawling out of its hole.

Only to get smitten by the sword that it brandished.

Evil can never win.

Evil shall never win.

Only the strongest will survive.

Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People

With the recent tragedy of the Newton 26, the ever present debate of gun control comes up. And as an American I believe in our second amendment rights, to bear arms.

Everyone has their own views on it...but I am going to state my case, by bringing up some of the nation's recent mass shootings, and the people who caused them...

Guns don't kill people.

People kill people.

And in all cases I mention what was "wrong" with the killers, leading them to these acts. None of them were sane people, that snapped. They all had issues, and guns or no guns, would've caused damage.

(In date order, from most recent)

---December 14, 2012 – Newtown, Connecticut – Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting – Twenty children and seven adults, including the gunman, are dead after a shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

SHOOTER – Adam Lanza – Shooter had a personality disorder, and had been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.

---December 11, 2012 – Portland, Oregon – Clackamas Mall Shooting – A masked gunman opens fire in a crowded mall, killing two and seriously injuring a third person before turning the gun on himself.

SHOOTER – Jacob Tyler Roberts – Wanted to be a Marine, but a foot injury stopped that dream. Mother died of cancer when he was a child, no father around.

---August 5, 2012 – Oak Creek, Wisconsin – Wisconsin Sikh Temple Shooting – A white supremacist shoots six people and a responding policeman at a Sikh temple before shooting himself in the head.

SHOOTER – Wade Michael Page – White supremacist.

---July 20, 2012 – Aurora, Colorado – Gunman kills 12 and injures 58 at a midnight screening of “The Dark Knight Rises”.

SHOOTER – James Eagan Holmes – He had met with three mental health professionals prior to the attack. Self-claimed to have “dysphoric mania”, and in his words was “stay away, because I am bad news”.

---April 2, 2012 – Oakland, California – Oikos University Shooting – A former student at a Christian college fatally shoots seven people and injures three.

SHOOTER – One L. Goh – Being tracked by creditors (owed tens of thousands of dollars). His brother had died in a car crash a year earlier, and later in 2011 his mother died. He was upset at the school, which has expelled him, for behavioral problems.

                                                          

---August 7, 2011 – Copley Township, Ohio – A man in a family dispute uses his handgun to shoot and kill his girlfriend and six others.

SHOOTER – Michael Hance – First killed his girlfriend, and then killed her brother, and the witnesses who saw him commit these actions. The fight with the girlfriend started over a home improvement project.

---March 10, 2009 – Geneva, Alabama – Geneva County Massacre – Eleven victims, ages 18 months to 74 years old, are killed by a lone gunman in a violent family feud.

SHOOTER – Michael Kenneth McLendon – Shooter killed his mother, uncle, cousins, grandmother, and others, including relatives of the county deputy sheriff. He also burned down the family home, and had a hit list of others he was going to kill, all due to a legal issue with his family.

---December 5, 2007 – Omaha, Nebraska – Westroads Mall Shooting – A 19 year old man shoots nine people at a department store before cops kill him.

SHOOTER – Robert A. Hawkins – Family history of psychiatric problems, and he had previously threatened to kill his stepmother with an axe (leading to him being hospitalized). He had ADD, mood disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, among others. He left a suicide note, reportedly saying “I’m going out in style”.

---April 16, 2007 – Blacksburg, Virginia – Virginia Tech Massacre – A student at Virginia Tech kills 32 classmates and wounds 25 before committing suicide.

SHOOTER – Seung-Hui Cho – The shooter has selective mutism (a severe anxiety disorder), as well as a major depressive disorder.

---March 21, 2005 – Red Lake, Minnesota – Red Lake Massacre – A 16 year old boy kills 11 people, including his grandfather and his grandfather’s girlfriend, on their Indian reservation.

SHOOTER – Jeffrey Weise – Personal stress and depression led to the shooting. He had twice tried to commit suicide. His father also committed suicide, and lost his mother at a young age, following a car accident.

---December 8, 2004 – Columbus, Ohio – A deranged fan shoots a Pantera guitarist at a concert as he performs onstage, then fires at fans, killing four people.

SHOOTER – Nathan Gale – Shooter was upset over the breakup of the band, and also believed that the guitarist he shot had stolen a song he had written. He also had paranoid schizophrenia, causing delusions that the band was reading his mind, and stealing his thoughts.

---October 2002 – Washington D.C. area – Beltway Sniper Attacks – Two snipers go on a three-week spree, killing 10 people around D.C. and Virginia.

SHOOTERS – John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo – Muhammad had been twice divorced, and had a restraining order from his second wife, after threats to kill her, and reclaim the children. Malvo, who was a minor at the time of the crimes, claims to have been sexually abused by Muhammad.

---April 20, 1999 – Littleton, Colorado – Columbine High School – Two senior students invade Columbine High School, killing 12 students and one teacher and injuring 21, before committing suicide.

SHOOTERS – Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold – The shooters planned this for a year, with the intent of a “Grander end” and to “Terrorize the entire nation by attacking American life”. Those they killed were referred to as “Collateral Damage”.

They also planned a bombing, that would’ve killed 600+ people, had their timers not failed.

Klebold was depressive and suicidal.

Harris was cold, calculating and homicidal.

---October 16, 1991 – Killeen, Texas – Luby’s Massacre – An unemployed man drives a truck through a packed cafeteria and fatally shoots 23 people and injures 20 before killing himself.

SHOOTER – George Hennard – Described as unemployed, angry, withdrawn, and a dislike of woman.

---June 18, 1990 – Jacksonville, Florida – GMAC Massacre – A man angry over a reposed car storms into the agency and over two days shoots 11 of its 86 employees before killing himself.

SHOOTER – James Edward Pough – The shooter was upset after his car was repossessed, and killed nine people at the dealership. The day before he committed a robbery of a convenience store, a hit-and-run and murdered two others.

(credit to the New York Daily News for the list of shootings, and parts of the descriptions of the shootings.)

No respect for JB

Yes, I'll admit it, I hate Justin Beiber.

It's not just that he looks like a girl. And sounds like a girl. And grabs his crotch like a girl.

It's the fact that he has absolutely zero respect for those around him.

I mean, would you show up for a meeting with one of the world leaders, looking like this?

(JB with Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper)

Rest In Peace, Innocent Angels

That is the list. Of the 20 innocent children, murdered in cold blood. By someone who's name doesn't even deserve to be mentioned.

Their parents sent them off to school. To learn. The ABC's. Arithmetic. How to write their names.

And they will never return.

The horror. The sorrow. The pain.

The stories of the heroics.

The principal and teachers. Who stood up against their attacker, and were innocently gunned down.

Others that were saved by these heroics. Children locked in bathrooms and closets, as the teachers lied, telling the gunman, that they had left to the gym.

How many parents came out of that firehouse, with tears of joy, that it wasn't there little angel.

Yet others can only find peace, in knowing that it all happened so fast, and there young ones didn't suffer.

How can you ever forget it...you can't. But just hope that your child was all part of Gods plan, in whatever way it was meant to be.

And yes, for the next few weeks, blame will be put on gun laws. And security at the school. And many other places where it doesn't belong.

For when someone is truly crazy, nothing can stop them.

Rest In Peace, Innocent Angels.

Rest In Peace, Guardian Teachers.

Gayness in the Orthodox World

ZP recently had a post that discussed lesbianism, and there was a flurry of comments on it, against Gayness, and how it is a sickness, and all that other close-minded spewing that is accustomed to Yeshiva-taught students.

I think that a lot of people have to realize that it is not a choice. And it is something that people just are.

You and I, as men, may like girls, like her, and get thoughts of happiness. 

And all you girls out there may like guys, and get warm fuzzy feelings in your heart while looking at guys like this.

But there are a lot of people out there, who just don't feel an attraction to the opposite gender. Their minds aren't programmed like yours and mine, and they feel an attraction to the same sex.

And this happens to both men and woman.

I personally know both guys and girls, who have felt physical attraction to the same gender, and some who have even acted upon it.

No. It is not a sickness.

Stop shutting it down, because it is something you don't understand.

These people try to commit suicide, because of the pressure that they are put under, by Rabbeim, and taunting "friends", to "Snap out of their gayness".

That's not possible, because it's not a "health condition" or "phase".

It's called LIFE.

On a side note, here is a great video of Orthodox Jews, finally being able to speak out, about their stories.

The problem? Your attitude.

Blogger Stalkers

Why do we post for the stalkers to read?

Oh yes...they are out there...people who read our posts, but never say anything to us...learning everything there is to know about us...

Making incorrect assumptions...

Making fools of themselves...

Oh, and before they email me, and say "Why would you tell people about that?", just know, that you can't email me saying that, unless you are admitting to the stalking :)

On that note, I love having stalkers!!! It makes me feel popular again.

Gobble Gobble

Ask, and you may learn.

Sometimes people see things, and don't really understand them.

So they either ignore it (and then the next time it comes up, they still don't know, but by then they really should, so it's too late to ask), or they say "I have no idea what this means", but never ask for an explanation.

If people would just ask, there are plenty of us out there that would just answer.

And then you would know :)

Mr. Google

So, like every obsessive blogger, I check my stats once in a while.

Simple things, that blogger generally provides me with. Things like, "Page Views", "Most Popular", etc.

But then I found a website that can tell me where I rank in Google Searches, based on different search queries.

Some of my posts, I was fairly surprised, when it would give me the ranking, it would say: "Your page is ranked #19 in this query".

19!!!! Yes, I am starting to make a dent in this world.

But then I got a real shocker...one of my pages came up listed as "Your page is ranked #1 in this query."

#1!!!!

NUMBERO FREAKIN' UNO!!!

Granted it was on Google.uk and not Google.com, but still, I'm impressed. :)

I just wish I knew who some of the people reading my posts are...because the ones getting the most reads, are all people I would love to have a conversation with.

Veterans Day