People will often ask me: "What are you doing with your life?"
To which I'll reply one of many things, such as: "Classes", "Working", "Partying" or some other nonsensical answer.
But when I say: "Yeah, I take classes from 12:30PM-7:30PM" or "Sure, I work the graveyard shift, from 6PM-6AM", their first question back always surprises me.
When do you daven Mincha? When do you daven Ma'ariv? When do you daven Shachris? When do you make time to learn? Or a host of other questions along the same lines, depending what time slot we are talking about.
How about this: Why don't you learn to mind your own business.
If I choose to daven, that's my issue.
If I choose to do it solo, that's still, my issue.
If I choose not to do it at all...well, I think everyone gets the point by now.
Why does everyone think that my religiousness, is their issue?
I am not talking about family members, who even though it isn't their issue, I could see their reasons for asking.
I am talking about people I haven't seen in a few years, or people I am just meeting for the first time.
While everyone gets curious, and I expect those questions at some point. It's really infuriating when its the first thing that is said to me in conversation.
So as I said before, it's time for people to learn to mind their own business!
Maybe they're just trying to make conversation, and if davening is a big part of their life, that's naturally where their thoughts go. I doubt they really care if you do or don't.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you feel guilty about not davening, otherwise why would you care if they're asking? You could just tell them the truth.
ReplyDeleteSee, that's the best part, because I do daven.
DeleteAnd I do respond with the truth, I just don't see how that concerns them.
Also, I never feel guilty about things...
So then why do you even care? Is it that by asking you think they think that you aren't davening? And c'mon, you *never* feel guilty about *anything*? You're always cool with all the choices you've made?
Deletewhy do I care? Because I don't think davening defines me. These people don't ask if I brush my teeth. Or if I bake chocolate cookies. Why ask me this?
DeleteI think it's offensive to ask, because if the person DOESN'T daven, then he would just look embarrassed.
And I stick with my statement.
So then it does seem to you like those who ask are thinking that you don't daven, and that bothers you because it shouldn't have anything to do with how they think of you.
DeleteAnd for the record, if you're saying that someone who doesn't daven and is asked about it, he'll look/feel embarrassed, then you're saying that you think there is something wrong with not davening. Thus, if you aren't davening (though you say you do) you *do* feel guilty/embarrassed about something...
Now you are just trying to stir things up.
DeleteI already said I daven, so why keep reiterating "if you aren't"?
And even IF I don't, there is 0 reason for me to feel guilty about it, since who really cares?! It would be between me and God. And even he would be okay with whatever it is I do.
THAT'S where I gotta disagree with you. True, its between you and God, but I don't think you can say He'd be ok with whatever it is you do.
DeleteNaa, really what I'm trying to do is figure out why you care so much. If it were a non-question, why would you care that they're asking?? The only thing I can think of is that you're embarrassed or something that people think you're not.
DeleteAlso, I find it fascinating that you've convinced yourself that you never feel guilty about anything. Zero remorse, ever? That's like a personality disorder, dude. And, I have second FG here, G-d does care about what you do. He'll love you no matter what, but it'll hurt Him if you choose to ignore him.
For the umpteenth time, I am not embarrassed, nor do I care what people think about me.
DeleteIt shouldn't be a question that people ask first thing in conversation. It shouldn't be something you ask altogether, unless you are entering a similar situation and are looking for advice.
And I haven't convinced myself anything.
Call it whatever you'd like, but if I haven't done anything to feel shame about, then what exactly am I feeling guilty about?
Lastly, I appreciate all of your concerns, but I know my connection with God, and I know he is okay with my actions.
Because I am who he created, and don't need to justify that to anyone except for him.
BTW, guilt has many levels to it.
DeleteI am sure guilt was felt on some levels at some point, but I don't have any regrettable actions that I can think of, of which I feel guilty about.
Fine, it is kind of nosy, but you just don't seem the type to care what people think is all I was getting at (so like, why does this bother you rather than other judgments was what I was asking).
DeleteFor the record, there is no way for you to know what G-d is okay with you doing, you realize. Yes, he created you and gave you specific challenges and all that, but you still have free choice and you can use that to stab G-d in the back. But you're right, you don't have to justify that to anyone but Him, so just saying...
It doesn't bother me any more than any other judgment, but people don't ask, when they hear I work in Syracuse, NY, "How do you keep Kosher?"
ReplyDeleteOr if they hear that I live in Las Vegas, NV, they don't ask "How do you keep Shomer?"
They pick a trivial, irrelevant, point, and ask something that quite frankly shouldn't be any of their business.