It's not pun-ny.

- Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with, oh well, I guess you had to be there.

- I've been seeing a weather girl, thought it'd make a change to date a woman that wasn't always right.

- Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt. People writing on walls and worshiping cats.

- If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer....oh wait, he does.

- My new favorite band is Dog Whistle, you haven't heard them.

- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

- I was going to get a power-gate for my driveway entrance, but with gate power comes gate responsibility.

- School children shouldn't be separated according to academic ability, it'll only end in tiers.

- I've just bought a new Prince Charles commemorative teapot, it never reigns, but it pours.

- Dyslexic IT technicians wait ages for a USB, then three come along at once.

- Everything is edible, some things though, are only edible once.

- A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: Short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.

- Money can't buy happiness. But it's more comfortable to cry in a Benz than it is on a bike.

- My friends horse will only come out when it gets dark. It's becoming a night mare.

- I wrote a song about a tortilla. It's actually more of a wrap.

- I was once bit by a German Shepard. Then he apologized and even introduced me to his dog.

- I got an e-mail saying: "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!". I thought to myself: That's just Spam.

- What do you call kids with lisps, born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.

- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

- I just found out my new toaster isn't waterproof. I was shocked.